This time of year…

Ok writing this very late but this is due to a busy day that included trying to fit new kitchen light for my Mum (failed due to some interesting wiring) and a party for Sqk’s foster brother that meant we went back to foster carer’s house for first time since 19th October 2013. He enjoyed himself lots and seems to have had no adverse reaction – was really pleased to see people but also really happy to come home with us. DH got the ‘I love you Daddy’ for first time today. Sqk’s doesn’t say it much but really seems to mean it when he does.
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AUK Conference – a few random thoughts

Finally found some space to sort my notes from Saturday – well I say that and a student turns up for a meeting late. In my 90 minutes of time on a Monday when I meet with my final year project students if they turn up. Always a good time to do stuff like this as I cannot do much else.

Notes

I really enjoyed the conference and took away any number of things from it – looking at my notes they go over 9 sides of A4 in my work logbook (only thing I had with me – good thing no one else sees it). I am not going to even attempt to write it all down here – but am going to talk about the things that stood out for me.

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Remembrance

Today has been Remembrance Sunday in the UK which has some poignance for me. Of my grandparents, two served in Navy late in WW2 (well Granny in Wrens) which is how they met on a wireless operators course. My other grandfather was a radar boffin from 1939 – which I did not know till I was doing my MSc in 1997/8. I knew he had been in Air Ministry on a summer placement in 1939 before returning to Queens’ College, Cambridge to do a PhD in Physics but until then had always been told he was in RAF. I am incredibly proud of the work he did as well as the work his brother did as an engineer involved in jet engine research. Unusual family in that both brothers were not in uniform, but both contributed greatly in their own ways although never really talked much about it. My Wren Granny I have in the last year discovered was actually in Y service acting as a listener to enemy transmissions which went to Bletchley Park for decoding so again an important role. My other grandmother was a cook and housewife – they married during war and my aunt was born in 1943.

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Our best day this week

This is a hard one for me as there are a few things this week that have been great although one of them I talked about last week in our meeting with Pickle’s Mummy at Clumber Park. I think Sqk would count that the best day of this week as he got to puddle splash lots and saw a baby frog. He and Pickle had a great time on what was best day of week in terms of weather till today. Then yesterday we met up with his foster carer and two foster siblings again which made him so happy. Less fallout overnight this time and he & I had a conversation last night about the fact that he was with us forever now and no-one can take him away from Mummy & Daddy. It was lovely to watch him with the two older children and also great for me to see how they interacted with me.

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6 months in

Actually it is 6 months 1 week and 1 day since we brought Sqk back to this house forever. DH commented earlier that ‘is it really only 6 months’ and ‘where has the time gone’. Both of us struggle to remember fully life before Sqk came along, much as when we got together within 6 months we struggled to remember live pre-meeting.  We still count ourselves really blessed to have had on the whole a relatively easy placement given Sqk was 2 yrs 3 mths old with a bond that deepens by the day and we feel an attachment that is growing. Yes he hasn’t experienced as much trauma as many. His is the loss of his birth mother at 1 week old (he never left hospital) and then the loss of his foster carer from 5 weeks old when he was placed with us. However his FC did a wonderful job is preparing him well and I still feel lucky. I want to sort out his life-story book and then we can start looking at that with him. Hoping he understands that he is adopted from a young age – although to him at  moment it must seem quite normal as most of the children he meets are in the same situation.

We met FC and foster-siblings again this week and had little fallout from that. On Friday the local adoption support group had a meet-up in the park which was great for both of us although Sqk interacted little with the other children as the 2 girls he knew from Adoption Stay & Play were off playing with the elder girl there that they now from other park meet-ups. He did love the trampoline – just justifying that we do need to get a trampoline as we thought. As the weather improves these meet-ups will happen on a Sunday monthly I believe which will give all of us chance to interact with others.

Getting off trampoline
Getting off trampoline

More fallout tonight I think after Daddy had not been here at bedtime two nights out of three. He was here tonight but we think Sqk must have slept poorly last night although every-time I checked he was fine as he has been distinctly tired today. Even he recognised he was tired and asked to go to bed early although he is only just now settling down to sleep after a tired tantrum. I love him so much but he has been hard work today – at least next week we are back into routine again which will help. Then of course we are off to Scotland on Saturday morning for a week’s holiday so routine will go again but at least DH will be around to share the burden.

Sqk is a wonderful boy who had me nearly in tears as I watched him play with the children of the other adopters from my prep group last week. Yes he has his moments when we are trying to work out what is going on his little head like tonight and not going to sleep even though he knew he was tired and had asked to go to bed. All in all 6 months in I do not regret anything and just wish he was legally ours….

News …

I was hoping last week to blog about the fact that Sqk was now legally ours as our final hearing for adoption order was on Maundy Thursday. However due to the fact that neither of the Annex A authors were there the judge adjourned the case to 2nd May. What is frustrating is that our SW had checked with courts when we got date precisely about this fact as she is on annual leave and Sqk's previous SW wrote the annex A before she left the authority to have her first child. She was told it would be fine – which in the end it is not. In addition the judge was the same one who made original placement order and she wanted to know why the agreement for twice yearly indirect contact with birth parents was now once yearly. Simple answer is we do not feel up to writing 6 letters a year (birth parents plus two birth siblings) and the usual approach is once a year for letterbox anyway. All in all a frustrating day on Thursday which had we been told at start one of authors needed to be there we would have requested an adjournment to next week and would not have got ourselves worked up.

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Thoughts

Strange it is to realise today that Sqk has been with us for 3 months and I have 6 months of my planned leave left. Where has the time gone although it does seem like he has been here for longer and we are finding it increasingly difficult to remember life before he arrived. So far we seem to have been lucky on Planet Adoption with a son who has bonded to us and is seeing us as a secure base. I know it is still early days but reading his SW’s words in Annex A brought it all home again. Continue reading “Thoughts”

2013 in review

Well as T (DH) commented the other night, you cannot say that our year has been uninteresting. We started of the year with our social worker appointed (one we knew as she had been leader of our prep course) and the first home study meeting pencilled in for February. We end it having had our first family Christmas and with our son appearing to be very settled some 10 weeks 3 days into placement.

It has been a rollercoaster ride with the process turning round and confounding us more than once. At the end of the prep course in November 2012 we expected to hear from LA about our SW early in the New Year, so starting this year with her appointed was the first point of acceleration. We still expected it to be early 2014 for placement given that we thought it would be a year from end of prep course to matching and that would then be too close to Christmas. Continue reading “2013 in review”