Loss

I cannot write about this truly from an adoption perspective yet but I know the boy will suffer loss when he moves from foster carer to us. He has been with her since he was 5 weeks old so is very securely attached to her. However this evening I managed to soothe him after she left with her other two foster children for the school disco. Next week in our own house and then placement and beyond will be the real test of his loss.

Well aware from everything we have been told as we have gone through this journey that loss is a big thing in adoption. It is a subject we discussed on the Prep course as we talked about our journey towards adoption. For us we have experienced the loss of never having our own birth children which is something that still catches me now – and I was first told the likelihood was low over 10 years ago. Unlike many I have not suffered the loss from unsuccessful IVF or miscarriages.

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Of course I have experienced loss throughout my life – I lost my great-grandmothers (last one at 16) and then while at university my cat and the family dog. Unusually I didn’t loose my first grandparent till I was 27 (after diagnosis referred to above). Since then I have lost two more – the latest one being at start of June. 6 days after having to make the decision to put my cat of nearly 16 years to sleep.  However loosing that grandmother was a blessing as we had truly lost her some years ago due to dementia. As T puts it he never really knew the lady we all talk about – and we have been together over 7 years now. The flowers above are those that were on her coffin at the crematorium – including all of her favourite flowers plus some ones that her meaning to us as a family (snapdragons for my grandfather who was my first loss)

 

It feels strange…

I am sat in a fairly tidy office (which is unheard for me!!!!) about to shut the computer down. It may not be truly turned on again for 41 weeks – which after 14 years in the same workplace and 10 years in the same office is a bizarre feeling. I am about to enter a whole new phase of my life – yes meeting and marrying T in 11  months was strange but in some ways this feels bigger. For 14 years I have been coming here most week days to work, to deal with students and to be part of a community. Now I leave for a while and have to wait to see what I come back to given the changes that are happening within my part of the university.

Office

Ok knowing me I shall be back in from time to time – given preparatory research stuff (for when I return in late July) and at least 1 PhD viva I have to be in at times. But no longer for the next 9 1/2 months will I be coming here 4/5 days a week for 8-10 hrs a day. Not sure why it is hitting me so hard but probably because I have basically spent my entire working career here and I have a lot of friends who I am going to miss.

But I also have a new phase of my life that is going to change it beyond belief and probably turn it upside down. One I am looking forward to so much – even if there is a mixture of nerves as well as excitement there.